-It’s 98% of the lawyers that give the rest of them a bad name.
-On my last birthday, there were so many candles on the cake that a group of campers showed up, sat around them and began singing “Kumbaya”.
-What year did Jesus think it was?
-When I was a kid, I prayed for a bicycle. But then I realized God doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him for forgiveness.
-One snowman says to the other snowman, “That’s funny. I smell carrots, too.”
-I finally…! Figured out..! How! ..To punctuate! ..Captain Kirk’s!. ..Sentences!
-I always wanted to be a somebody. Now I see I should have been more specific.
-The trouble with the rat race, even if you win, you’re still a rat.
-Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery?
-What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
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